Flying home

Many times I have had the feeling of being perceived as a "hero" when I mention that I fly alone with my two kids. In fact, I am afraid that if I brag about how easy our return from Canada was, the next flight will be simply ho-ri-ble... So I will not mention the fact that they slept almost at take off and that we did not spill anything on each other. Considering that we did not have a window in our "window-seat", and that we sat 3 on 2 seats, it is not so bad...

The real challenge for me remains the jet-lag. Alone I can beat it more easily, trying to adjust my sleep in the plane depending on my arrival hour (if arriving in the day, sleeping in the plane, if arriving in the night, awake in the flight). It already has some limitation (what if you take more than 24 hours to get there, or if you have problematic fellow passengers). Usually, when I am flying with the kids, I can't sleep. (And probably my direct neigborgs too.) Mama bear reflex or simple discomfort, not sure. But it makes my own recovery from it all much more painful since, upon arrival, everyone else wakes up again and again at odd hours for a few days in a row (I need to sleep, even if not much!) At times (and specially this last time), it brought me back to when I was breastfeeding Emmanuel right after his birth, when he had jaundice. Or it also reminds of when I was in architecture school. Yes, it was that intense.
But I have to admit that apart from these jet lagged happy hours in the middle of the night upon landing, the boys are pretty good travelers. They have a passport to prove it, of course. But beyond that, they are excited by the idea of taking a plane, they love plane-spotting in the airport, and they also love the airplane food - well, I should say, they are excited at getting the meal tray (at least, even if most of the food stays on it).
Beyond that, when I look at it more globally, they seem to inherently accept differences.  And from Tel Aviv to Quebec to Beijing, there are extreme differences in the way people look, dress and talk. I am still wondering how this whole experience of "world citizenship" will shape them, how they will define their own identity. We will keep working at opening their eyes on the world at large, and hopefully they will be able to shape their lives at a similar scale.

Passage

I have to be frank with you: this summer was not a holiday. My mom past away. After all the intensity of the last moments, I still feel raw inside. 
A colleague from Vancouver once told me after his own mom's passing that one isn't ever ready to be an orphan. He was 65. I am not a real orphan yet, but I tend to agree with him. 
To loose a parent is not an easy passage. It is a passage to a new state of adulthood, a few step away from the deep connections we have with childhood, with our first experiences in life, with the unconditional caring and nurturing of a parent, with a certain sense of safety.  It is a new venture in a world that might appear a bit harsher and colder now. 
I could spend here pages and pages telling you how amazing my mom was. An artist at heart, a caring and deeply involved mom, a engaged teacher, passionate about child development and kids, and a devoted friend. I miss her tremendously.
The day of her funerals, a friend of the family and colleague of hers came to us with one of my mom's she just had found. It was published a few years ago, as the opening piece of a collection of work by her young students. It came to me as a gift, displaying all of my mom's generosity and wisdom. I loved it so much I read it at her obsequies.  
She is certainly holding my hand through this passage.

Je t’offre

Je t’offre la beauté d’un premier matin du monde

Le sourire radieux d’un enfant

La douceur d’une main aimante

L’écoute d’une oreille attentive.

Je t’offre la paix qui habite le cœur de l’homme qui croit

La lumière qui brille dans le regard des amoureux

Des chemins qui marchent vers l’espérance

La liberté des grands espaces qui t’appellent

La puissance des fleuves qui transportent ta foi

Des océans de tendresse pour bercer tes chagrins

Des univers où dansent l’amour et l’amitié.

Je t’offre des perles de joie

Des jardins parfumés de sagesse

La douce légèreté de l’être.

Je t’offre les clés du bonheur

Elles sont blotties au creux de ton cœur.

Aline Plourde (1947-2011)

I am offering you

(free translation)

I am offering you the beauty of a world’s first morning

The radiant smile of a child

The softness of a loving hand

The care of an attentive ear.

I am offering you the peace inhabiting the heart of the man who believes

The light that shines in the gaze of lovers

The pathways that lead towards hope

The liberty of the great spaces that is calling you

The rivers’ strength is carrying faith

Oceans of tenderness to cradle your sorrow

Universes were love and friendship are dancing.

I am offering you pearls of joy

Gardens perfumed by wisdom

The sweet lightness of being.

I am offering you the keys of happiness

They are nestling deep inside your heart.

 Aline Plourde  (1947-2011)

Mommy, Noam, He is What?

Last week, I just picked up the boys' Israeli passports. These are their fourth ones. No, I do not mean their fourth Israeli passports. No, these are their fourth passport, after their American, their Canadian, and their Polish ones. A real bunch of globetrotters. And it makes me look like a poor mother, with only one passport!

This is a picture I took of family's passports... We are a family of four, for those who do not know us.

For those unfamiliar with the passport business, nope, you can't buy these online (or else we would not have so many people lining up our embassies). As they were born in the States, the kids automatically got the citizenship, and now for most travels, they have been using this passport. Since Pauli and I are respectively Israeli and Canadian citizens, the kids also qualify for those two nationalities. Of course with different countries, different rules, so even if they would have been born here in Beijing, they could never be Chinese, and even if one of us two parents would be Chinese, they would eventually have to make a decision between one and another, as China does not allow dual citizenship. The Polish one? Well, Pauli's parents are of Polish origin, and since Pauli also has this citizenship, the kids automatically qualify for it. The only drawback to all of these is the amount of paperwork. But as you see, it is possible.
Now, time will tell what use they will be able to make out of them. Already last week, when I applied for Russian visas (we are traveling via Moscow to Israel next week), I realized that Polish passports were better, granting for cheaper visas (50$ instead of 150$ or so!). And only later I will come to realize that for this specific destination, Israeli passports are best (free)... 

So indeed our kids are globe-trotters. They already have logged many visas, many long flights, and many immigration officers. But are they only that? Defacto, they are citizen of the world. Later, when one will ask them where are they from, they might have trouble answering... Today, Noam says he is Canadian (proud mommy) but is he really? I was just reading about similar questioning in a blog...

Kids born from parents of different cultures already have a faire bit to process. If they live in one of the parents' birth country, the answer might become easier with time, as they immersed completely in that primary culture. However, when these mixed couples raise their kids in a (third) different culture, then things becomes more tricky. Are our kids Israeli or French-Canadian, or simply American? Are they Jewish or Christian? Can they be all of that together?

Take Emmanuel. Born in the US, he spent most of the 20 months of his long life in China. One month last summer in Canada, one month at birth in the US, 3 weeks in Israel last year and 2 more soon. So he is maybe more Chinese than others. But is he? We obviously do not eat dumplings daily and do not do like the Chinese in most of what we do. But he needs his daily rice! We do not dress Chinese, we do not cook Chinese, we do not spit in public, we do not even speak good Chinese... Well, I might drive now like a Chinese, but I don't think it applies.
In fact, outside of our respective cultures, I came to realize we need to find (and create) references and markers to maintain some of our own cultural identities, and to create our own unique family identity. So, to the despair of my dear husband who finds religion cumbersome, I try to ensure the kids get a bit of a Jewish culture at specific holiday times. But yet I also celebrate our usual Christian holidays, and try to also include some of our traditions. The tricky part for a parent is to know what is important, and how to carry that cultural baggage without too much effort. So it appears it is easier to make a Christmas tree than to make a Seder dinner... We still have to work on that.

One of the main determinant of a culture is its language. So here in Beijing, we try to maintain the Hebrew and the French language. We do it because both are important for me and my husband, respectively, in how we define ourselves. But also because we feel that it can be a strong baggage for our kids' future. So to avoid confusions, I address the kids in French, and Pauli in Hebrew. It has been great for me, now my Hebrew is at the level of a 3 and half year old. Then me and Pauli converse mostly in English. So the kids get exposed to the English language in that way, but also in kindergarten, where Noam has now extensive conversations in English with his little friends. And then of course, by being in China and having a Chinese nanny, we all speak a bit of Chinese, sort of. The kids are really good at it. What is really amazing is that amongst all this mix of languages, the kids seem to make sense of it. When Noam was about a year and half, he could already ask for water in French, in Chinese and in Hebrew, knowing whom to ask in which language.

We have this book at home. It is 42 pages of Hellos, in 42 languages. The book is filled with cute little drawings of kids faces, and not other text than the various forms of greetings. When I first read it first to Noam he asked me right away: "Mommy, Noam, he is what?" I pointed at the little girl with the frizzy hair that says "Shalom", the one with straight brown hair that says "Bonjour", the little boy with a cap that says "Hello" and the little almond-eyed girl that says "Nihao" and told him that he is lucky because he is all of those all together, and that makes him quite special. I am not sure he understood well what it meant but in any cases, he looked happy to be 4 different little guys at one.   

War Zones

With all the recent events, we hear a great deal about war.  Osama bin Laden's death. The war on terror. The new Libyan war. Uprising in the Middle East and its bloody repression.  And the eternal Israelo-Palestinian problem, and Hamas latest rounds on Israel. Or is it Israel latest shelling of Gaza? (I can't recall)... Indeed, with the speed of development, it is hard to keep up. But in fact, I am a news junky. I need my daily dose of news or I feel uncomfortable. I need information, about the world. I want to know, understand, analyze.

However, despite the captivating developments of the new front lines, or the various uprising here or there, I keep my kids away from news broadcasts. They will certainly have time later, when they grow up, to learn about the realities of our complex world. I feel there is no need to impress and imprint their young and fresh minds with images of hate and violence. But despite me and Paul's sheltering reflexes, reality reaches us - and them - in unexpected ways.

Last week, a friend of mine, a journalist, was killed in Lybia. Tim was a great photographer and reporter. He was really interested in telling a story. During the Liberian war, he had rented a house in Monrovia to  really capture better what was happening in the city. This is where I met him. Only today when others detailed his work, I realized how much and how well he was doing his work.
It is just strange for me to think of him from this perspective - the war perspective - when I met him in peaceful and hopeful times, just around the election of Shirleaf-Johnson. He was a photographer, recording history being made - in times of peace. I had not given too much thought into how he had got there, and Tim was not the type to boast about his "war coverage". I never have lived through war, I have only roamed in a few devastated places, a while after the facts. It is hard for me to imagine what effect it can have on ones' mind when living through it "live".

Yesterday at the dinner table, Noam looked at me and asked me: "Mommy, do you know war, when you are small?" I am not sure what prompted the question. Maybe me and Paul were talking about Tim, about Lybia, about the conflict. I can't recall. Anyway, Noam popped the question again.
It was not the first time. He first had asked about war right during our CNY trip. In fact, he first inquired  when we were in Cambodia, while visiting a war "museum" - essentially a yard with a number of damaged war equipment, helicopter, plane, a few old thanks, some lance-rockets, some other various things torn and old half taken by the weeds. Our guide was a victim of land mines: he had lost him mom, dad and two sister in front of his eyes, when a young boy. He also had lost one of his arm.





For Noam it was the strangest of things. I was not fast enough to catch a picture of him, but I vividly remember him standing beside our guide, right below the empty sleeve of the missing limb, directly in line with what should have been there. He was staring. Then the questions came later.  "Why no arm?" Answer: "He lost it". Q: "Where is the arm?" (looking around). A:"We cannot find it, it got broken". Q:"Why did it get broken?" A: "Because of war". Q:"What is war"? A:"It is like when you fight with your friend, but this time it is big people, and many big people, and they use terrible things to make each other suffer. And many many people suffer because the countries fight." Q:"And what more?" A:"When there is war people loose their house, their moms and their dads, sometimes they even loose their arms or their legs". Q:"What more?"....
You get the gist.
So for several weeks, at times, he would return again with similar questions. One day, he looked at me and asked: "Mommy, when you are small, you know war?" A:"No." Q:"Daddy know war?" A:"Yes". Then his eyes light up, and he goes, "Yeah!". Then Paul proceeded to explain again about the lost limbs, lost houses and lost moms. For a 3 and half year old boy, some concepts are harder to grasp, and the idea of explosions, fires and making a mess can sound like good fun. And yet, at times, I can feel there is a really a little compassionate soul behind these large blue eyes, when he realizes that an arm an a family have been missing forever.

While Everything was Popping Around

As every year now, for Chinese New Year we took off to avoid the major party that takes over Beijing. Yeah, we love the sparkling, noisy, crowded experience of the city under the New Year frenzy - but after a bit of rest somewhere else. So while everything was popping around Beijing, we took off to warmer destination.
This year we courageously decided to get out of the usual beach holiday, and went on a small tour of South-East Asia in 12 days. Hanoi (Vietnam), Siem Reap (Cambodia) and Luang Prabang (Laos) with a few more days in Hanoi to complete our tour. We went with our great Israeli friends and their kids, which made the trip an even more memorable one.
Hanoi was a wonderful reconnection to an Asia I was looking for (and never found) when we were first landing in Beijing a few years ago : scooter and bicycle herds, pointy hats, street vendors, mess. With its little narrow houses that rise side by side along busy streets, development that seems to be going unplanned, it was surprising and lovely.  At the end of our tour we stayed with a couple of our friends, who introduced us to some of the best restaurants in town.








Siem Reap was wonderful for all the temples it has to offer. In the middle of the jungle, the city is there only because of them, and of the millions of tourists that come visit it. And still, there is a cool vibe to the markets and streets of the city. There is real magic, elegance and wealth of craftsmanship to these temples. Their splendor granted them a title as World Heritage Site by Unesco. Angkor Wat, the largest and richest of all, Angkor Thom, amazing with its massive smiling faces, Bayon, where the trees overtook the stone; were the major temples we visited, but we could have spent a week to visit the hundred other sites around the city. Noam and Noay loved playing Indiana Jones among the ruins. On our first night, I got my feet tickled by those little fish. One night we found a great French restaurant with hanging orchids all over the terrace, and great steak tartare (obviously not a local dish). We visited a floating village, toured a craftsman factory, the local museum and a museum to the war.







Luang Prabang was as wonderful, in a different way. An old colonial town set along the Mekong, it as beautiful as quaint. Listed as a Unesco Heritage city, it existence is mainly for tourist, but despite that it is vibrant and lovely. We took a tour on the river, hiked to a waterfall, and visited some local villages. We would have needed more time to enjoy all the little secrets of this city - and I hope to return.








For the curious ones, more photos can be found here...

Happy New Year of the Rabbit!

May this new year make you hop around with happiness!

A RETROSPECTIVE:   2010 was a big year for bébé Emmanuel, with a great number of changes. From being a little bundle of joy of last January, he has now evolved into a full toddler, walking and blabling his way around our house. Good natured from his birth, he is now more clear about his needs and desires. He squeals when Thomas the train is around, and loves to give his food to his brother. Observant, enthusiast and determined, Emmanuel is really not a baby anymore…

Noam also overcame several changes in his life. He started going full time in school at his usual Montessori Kindergarten. He had to learn to share and be patient, which is really hard when you are not yet 3 (or even 4)! He started to learn letters and he is mastering his numbers very well, in four languages! He started asking several questions, wondering about the meaning of life, or the practical things about our life. Very aware of small things, sensitive and very engaged in what he likes, Noam is a great boy. Very attached to those around him, he was a little sad this summer to have two of his best friends, Kaikai and Lyndon, leave to new destinations.

Isabelle has been busy on many fronts. In the spring, she started lecturing at the Beijing University of Architecture and Civil Engineering a course about development she prepared. In the fall, she resumed her Chinese lessons after one year of absence. And recently she started consulting on heritage and post disaster issues, and working on editing of technical documents for an international organization.

Pauli has tried his best to achieve a work/home balance.  When he is not at work, he plays some piano, devours books and enjoyed the kids mischievousness. He added several miles to his frequent flyer cards with trips in several regions of China; Chongqing, Xingjian, Nanjing, Guangzhou, (please add). and even to international destinations; DC, Amsterdam, Seoul, Ullan Baatar.

All these miles paid off as we were able to escape during Chinese New Year to Koh Lanta, in Thailand with 2 couples of friends. It was one of those perfect holidays. In May we spent 3 weeks in Israel with family, and for once had time to enjoy everyone and more. In June we went with some other friends to Sanya, a small island south of China, for some resort break for a long weekend. And in July Isabelle escaped Beijing’s heat with the boys with her family in Rivière-du-Loup. Pauli eventually joined and we set off for a Great Gaspésie tour with cousins and kids. Then some friends from DC joined us for a quiet week in a picturesque village nearby. Another memorable holiday! In September, Nurit and Liam came and after a brief tour of Beijing, we headed to Disney in Hong Kong. In the fall, we got ourselves a car  and we ended up spending some time exploring Beijing’s surroundings.

Warm kisses from Beijing

Wen wen shui

Some things are not supposed to be complicated. But here, simple things might be. And you might never expect what the next "new complication" will be.
I have been living in Beijing for over 2 years now (exactly 2 years and 2 weeks, actually). Since our arrival there are a few things that I got accustomed to. (food to some extend, language still working at it, traffic maybe, pollution not sure, spitting really not). Well, I am sure there are a few things I got accustomed to, right?
Actually, one simple thing as slowly grown on me: the Chinese have the habit of drinking hot water rather than cold water. Here, in restaurants, hot water is brought to you when you wait. In meetings. At the doctor's office, while waiting. In various situations where you wait, hot water is brought to you. There is even at times a genuine confusion between "water" and "tea water" (but more on that on another post).
In fact, there is a traditional chinese medicine belief behind this. There is the shared understanding that a cold drink will harm your body. Ice drinks will bring down the temperature and slow down the energy and blood circulation inside the body, essentially it will be like pouring ice onto the fire of your internal body. In fact, it is believed that ice-cold drinks may cause several health problems, such as over weight, cough, headache, stomach problems, weak immunity and even infertility.
So, over the last 2 years, I have slowly moved away from drinking cold drinks to more warm drinks. It does feel better, in some ways. And it makes sense too.
However, it is not always that simple to get the kids to drink hot water... So for them, I often request "wen shui", which can be translated as room-temperature water. And as much as it would seems simple for the occidental mind, this is nothing simple. At times, despite my request, I only get hot water. Other times, the order is just forgotten. Last time we were out, they just told me they did not have "wen shui". So I asked them if they had hot water. Yes? And if they had cold water. Yes? So, I told them, put a bit of both in a glass to make "wen shui", right!? 
So what do you get??  2 bowls of water, one hot, one cold. and two empty cups, to make our own "wen shui"...
sigh...