Damocles

Dear readers

Yes I unkindly abandoned for a few months. February went by and bam: I was no where to be found on this blog. What a shame. Shame on me. shame shame shame. soooory! (I feel embarrassed about this, not helping my case in writing something meaningful here...)

So beyond some of my best lame apologies, and a set of very valid excuses that are too long to write here (or should it be the reverse? best apologies and lame excuses?) I will try via this post to share with you some of the joys of expat living.

And over the next few posts, I will try my best to give you a recap of what you missed.

So what happened? Well, teaching, doing some research, traveling, working some more, trying to write something consequent (for work), and doing some of what I do all the time, kids stuff, friends, yoga, running around in circle trying to be productive. So yes, my blog fell through the cracks.

So in the middle of this usual frenetic living, we also have been living with some kind of Damocles sword above our head. When we signed up for this assignment, we knew that we would have to leave China before our 5 year mark. And as 2011-12 is the fourth year, we knew that would be eventually coming. But sometimes, there is hope (and different ways to stay) and we hang on our hopes until March, where finally we were told we needed to move. Out. Of. China.

Gulp...

That is probably when I dropped all together writing to you dear reader. What for if it is to tell you that well, this is coming to an end?

So our sword was there well sharpen above our heads, closer. What is the next destination? Where are we going to move to? Where are we going to live? What languages are we going to have to learn this time.

So since March, we have been in some kind of strange position, one that I initially imagined being rare. Most people learn they need to move when the business gives them a new post, right? Well, right, but not always right. In fact, I have met this spring so many families with stories similar to ours, that in the end, I could only be making fun of ourselves... Our kids are still very small, so the delays in registering them in a new school is probably not too critical.

Since March we have talked about possible destinations, discussing them as if we would discuss the purchase of a car, or the new dress of the new princess.  What if we get posted in Africa again? Would we be happy going to Cambodia? How about Kiev, would it be too cold? Would I be able to find a job in Brasilia? What could I do in Washington where the economy is so dead? Would going back to Dakar be fun, would old friends be around? What about Haiti, is this an option for us with the kids? Would Sydney, despite being such a cool city, clean, green and hip, would be some kind a golden trap, where Pauli would be traveling more all over the Pacific island than being with us? What kind of education could we give our kids if there is no French school where we end up? Would Moscow be hard with its grey winters and gloomy housing projects, or would it be interesting, with all its art and history. How would I like to learn again a new language? How are the kids going to react to a new place? yadiyadiyada, as Sienfield says.

This endless list of questions, match with an exhaustive list of possible destinations, was in fact not really occupying all my head, despite what one would think. In fact, we are not really having the last word. My dear hard working husbands needs to be applying to a job opening, wait to see if his name is called for an interview, he does the interview, and then we wait. So we have been waiting a lot recently.

Ironically, last year, when I flew back and forth between Canada to attend my mom's last days I sat once beside a young european academician. After chatting a bit about both our work, he was amazed to realize that we already were expecting a move at some point, but that we would not know until early 2012 if we were actually going to move (and where). He was absolutely horrified that we would not know where, that moving would be imposed on us. He was unable to imagine himself in our situation (which in theory at the time, was that we would be learning 6 months ahead our new posting).

At the time, I thought that learning about a move 6 months ahead is quite reasonable. I still think it is. Now even if I strongly believe it is best, I am surprised to see that despite it all I have been able to keep a good sense of humor about it all. I think yoga has helped.

That was until last week, we ended up going to the furniture store, and then I realized that not knowing meant that we would not be able to buy the perfect chest for our new (unknown) place, or garden furniture for our (possibly) future garden. How upsetting!!! But in the end, maybe I should go back and buy it anyway (even if it means storing it later.) I think we would deserve some amazing departure gift, nah?!